When responsibility is refused, effort not given, I say you are fearful.
Darkness is easier than light. Have you not realized this? You are utterly exposed in light. There is nothing that can be hidden from all sight. This is a vulnerability. Vulnerability is strength. Strength and weakness are interdependent. It is harsher to step into light. The rays are sharp, they could hurt your gaze. They could blind you. Overwhelm you.
Darkness is comfortable, easier to share.
Light hurts, but it cares.
You can’t go deeper unless you reconcile yourself with preliminaries. If you don’t understand context, learn before making swift judgments. If what you perceive is too overwhelming for you, you tried. Yet stop not there. You can explore, despite lacking direct experience.
That is hardly harsh. Avoiding engagement with the world beyond your nest is fear, not harsh. What is harsh? Risking all with no guarantee of acceptance, assistance, reassurance, acknowledgement, nor repayment. Willingness to sacrifice not as a martyr – for all martyrs are rewarded – but with all you held on for yourself. With no expectation of reward. Only when you lose all, could you gain all.
You say you knew little and made your choices too swift before you could understand. You maintain this trait. When offered information you lack, you shut down, pulling from engagement … and make no attempt before those you harmed to understand the depth of how you hurt them.
I saw your glimmer. Why hold to connections other than for survival? I know you that you know. Your answers are there.
How willing are you to confront yourself? Most importantly, how willing are you to embrace yourself? Are you able to say words of compassion to yourself? Can you face Mirror and say you are human too? I swish and swirl amongst you, ever reflecting and challenging. You cannot pass Mirror to face Cloud if you are pinned by Sword and lost within Jewel.
Discipline and punishment are not identical.
Unwillingness to face all of yourself is the impasse. For many, this way is paved by introspection, introversion of personal energies, prayers and ceremonies and ritual. Yet there is a point when all the inner light means little. There is a time when all your inner world no longer serves you. When the darkness can no longer give of its bounty to you.
Darkness bears treasures. You will find treasure in darkness. When you find treasure, don’t you know what to do next? You carry the fruits of your labour outward. You bring your treasures to show the others of what your search and peace restored and revived for you. Entering the Cave is well and good, go explore the labyrinth of self. Yet you must know that outside will call for you, louder and louder. What will you do? What will you choose?
We cannot restore what was lost to its full splendour. Know that if all be gone, life will go on. From the prokaryotic to the remnants of solar death, life lives on. What use is it to project into a future that may not be?
This is detachment. To understand your present. To realize you are not born nor die alone. So attached are you to punishment that you forgot discipline! So attached you are to failing your agency and communion that you forget what is connection! So attached are you to your belonging that you have forgotten that the Other is as you.
Fearful are you, you that believed for the harsher ways!