When the past calls

…do you answer? That’s highly dependent on your viewpoint. As I’ve stated already, it’s not fair for me to speak for everyone.

There is a saying, “When the past calls, don’t answer.” I disagree. The past will always be there, it is up to us to learn from it, let it enrich our lives like dead leaves decomposing to refresh the soil with new nutrients for our growing tree…

+ Me, commenting on this post by karenzai

I’ll say it straight up. I favour the psychodynamic approach for myself. Granted, it’s not for everyone. But that’s a topic for another post. 🙂

I’ll give an example from my own life’s journey.

I was 6-8 years old when I underwent sexual abuse at the hands of my babysitter’s eldest son. I don’t know what happened to him after I moved from the neighbourhood in grade four. Those three years, I had a choice to make: Either me or his nieces, two girls younger than even I. One could argue that a child that age knows little of such things, but I beg to differ. I was aware of how this man shut himself up away from the world, hiding in his room (habits I learned later), with only an old copy of the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible and one inquisitive little girl (me) to keep him company.

Despite all his faults and crimes, this man introduced me to Jesus, and for that I am grateful. Now, I not once said I accept his actions against me and possibly other children, I said I am grateful for my first meeting with my Lord.

Nobody said that faith had to be the modern conception of a fairytale.

To help me with this, my partner had me read Philippians 1:15-18. I’ll give the most prominent verse to me for this situation:

But that doesn’t matter. Whether their motives are false or genuine, the message about Christ is being preached either way, so I rejoice. And I will continue to rejoice.

+ Philippians 1:18; New Living Translation (NLT)

I remember playing Scrabble with him, frantically going through the dictionary to keep up with his 36-year-old mind. I remember talking to him about angels, the one person back then who listened patiently as I described my adventures and life with several of those celestial beings. I remember reading a chapter of the KJV aloud to him everyday as he laid back on the couch, eyes closed, finding a moment of peace amongst whatever troubles plagued his soul.

For the first time, I’m teary eyed not for a little girl who lost her innocence, but for a grown man who was childlike himself as he chose to lock himself in a cage.

May I learn from his example and flee my own cage. I can’t forget. I won’t ever forget.

And that is how I learned to forgive.

But I vouch, I’ll always be watching over you
Writing a melody, writing a song verse
I will pour you into these words.

+ Hatsune Miku, “Kyrie Eleison 2015”
++ Translation by Adagio Fantasque @ Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki [link is to original version]